In the landscape of human relationships, subtle and harmful dynamics often go unnoticed. Guiding us through the analysis of these complex ties is Serena Fumaria—coach, lecturer, and founder of the N.E.N.A. method—recognized nationally for her work supporting victims of psychological abuse.
With clear insight and practical tools, this column offers reflection and guidance on a topic still too often overlooked. A space to recognize, understand, and move beyond toxic relationships, reclaiming awareness and personal freedom.
1. Serena, when we talk about personal growth, what do we really mean? And why is it so important when dealing with a toxic relationship?
Personal growth isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about coming home to yourself. It’s a process of awareness, listening, and reclaiming your self-worth. In a toxic relationship, we often lose ourselves; we stop recognizing who we are. Growth means learning to say: “This isn’t good for me,” and finding the courage to act on it. It’s essential because it gives us the tools to tell love apart from dependency, care from manipulation, presence from emotional imprisonment.
2. Many people believe the solution lies in changing the other person. But how important is it to work on ourselves to change dysfunctional relationship dynamics?
It’s a common illusion: if the other person changed, everything would be fine. But real change can’t be forced—it must come from within. Working on yourself is the only real path forward. It makes you clearer, stronger, less reactive, and more responsible. When we change, we shift the energy we bring to the relationship. Sometimes that’s enough to transform it. Other times, it gives us the strength to walk away.
3. In your work as a life coach, what are the most common signs that someone has started a genuine path of personal growth?
I can tell right away—even in the silences. It’s the moment someone stops asking, “Why does this always happen to me?” and starts asking, “What can I learn from this?” It’s when I see people begin to say “no” without apologizing, or say “yes” with joy instead of obligation. It’s when they stop expecting to be saved and start building their own freedom, day by day.
4. Personal growth is often seen as an abstract concept. But in reality, it’s something very concrete and part of daily life. What are some small inner shifts that show we’re truly evolving—even if we’re still in a difficult relationship?
When you evolve, you notice you don’t react the way you used to. You pause, breathe, and make a choice. You stop blaming yourself for your emotions and start welcoming them with more kindness. You begin to recognize your value—even if those around you don’t. And above all, you start to feel that even in the middle of chaos, there is a space where you can be well with yourself. That space is you.
5. Growing as individuals also means learning to set boundaries. What are the most common mistakes people make when trying to establish them?
The first mistake is thinking that setting boundaries means being selfish or unkind. In reality, it’s an act of love—towards yourself and the other person. Another common mistake is expecting others to respect your boundaries without ever clearly stating them. And finally, the most frequent one: backing down as soon as they’re tested. Boundaries must be built with firmness and upheld with consistency. You don’t need to build walls—just learn to close the right doors.
6. Sometimes, fear of change keeps us stuck in harmful relationships. How can we turn that fear into a driver for our well-being?
Fear is a powerful energy. If you welcome it and listen without judgment, it can become a compass. Ask yourself: “What am I really afraid of? And what might I discover if I choose to change anyway?” Often, fear signals that we’re stepping into something new. It’s not dangerous—it’s just unfamiliar. Using fear as a lever means allowing yourself to tremble… but moving forward anyway.
7. For those who feel the need to rebuild after a toxic relationship but don’t know where to begin, can you share three small “tricks” or daily practices to start moving toward well-being?
Of course. Here they are: Each morning, write down three things that feel true about yourself. They don’t need to please anyone—only to be honest. It’s a way to rediscover yourself. Take 10 minutes each day just for you, in silence. Even just to breathe. You’ll find answers there that don’t exist outside. Change one small habit that no longer reflects who you are. Even something as simple as stopping yourself from over-apologizing can be revolutionary.
Do you have a question for Serena Fumaria or a topic you would like her to cover? Contact our editorial team! Your voice is important, and together we can accomplish a lot.
