Welcome to my column. I am Serena Fumaria, coach, mentor and creator of the “NENA Method,” a pathway that helps people reborn after difficult experiences, including trauma caused by abusive relationships.
I, too, was a victim of a toxic relationship, and because of this, after coming out of it, I decided to study the psychology of these dynamics in depth, turning my pain into knowledge and then into a method for helping those who, like me, felt lost and broken.
Today I accompany many people on their journey of rebirth, helping them rebuild their lives with awareness and inner strength.
This column was created for just that: a place where we can explore together the difficulties associated with toxic relationships, learn how to recognize them, establish healthy boundaries and, most importantly, find ourselves.

Serena, what are the main long-term psychological damages that a person can suffer by living in a toxic relationship?
Toxic relationships have very specific dynamics, repeating patterns that undermine our self-esteem, our identity and even our ability to recognize our value.
Living for a long time in a toxic relationship leaves deep marks, often invisible to others but well present within us. The psychological damage can be manifold and, if not addressed, risks affecting us even years later.
Here are some of the most common ones that I encounter in my work with those who have gone through these experiences:
Low self-esteem and sense of inadequacy – After being constantly devalued, manipulated or ignored, one develops the belief that one is not worth enough, that one is never “enough” to deserve love and respect;
emotional dependence-The toxic dynamic often leads to a form of emotional dependence, in which the person feels he or she cannot live without the partner even though he or she knows the relationship is destructive;
anxiety and chronic stress – Living in a constant state of alertness, trying to avoid conflict or anticipate each other’s reactions, leads to an overactive nervous system, with consequences such as panic attacks, headaches, stomachaches, insomnia and gastrointestinal problems.
depression and loss of identity – Being constantly invalidated and controlled can lead to a feeling of emptiness, worthlessness and loss of who one really is. Many people, after a toxic relationship, no longer know what they want or who they are.
post-traumatic stress disorder – In some cases, people develop symptoms similar to those of severe trauma: flashbacks, hypervigilance, constant fear and difficulty trusting others.
The good news is that recovery is possible. With the right support, working on awareness, your inner patterns, and rebuilding your value, you can return to living a full and authentic life.
Tip: If you feel you need help to break out of these patterns and be reborn, know that you are not alone; asking for help or talking to someone is the beginning of your rebirth.

How do power dynamics in a toxic relationship affect a person’s self-esteem and self-perception?
Power dynamics in a toxic relationship are like a drop of water that digs into the rock, little by little, until it creates a deep rut. At first, we often do not even realize it, but slowly, something changes and we feel more and more insecure, we question ourselves, we begin to doubt ourselves.
When power is unbalanced in a relationship, those in control tend to impose themselves and they often do so in a subtle and manipulative way: they devalue, criticize, ignore our needs, making us feel inadequate or guilty even without any real reason. The message that goes through, even without direct words, is, “You are not enough,” “Without me you wouldn’t make it,” “If something goes wrong, it’s your fault.”


By dint of receiving these messages, we begin to believe ourselves: we see ourselves as weak, wrong, incapable, and even if we were confident before the relationship, over time we lose touch with our true essence.
That’s why people coming out of toxic relationships often feel lost, empty, without an identity: for years their emotions and needs have been put on the back burner, ignored or ridiculed.
A word of advice: the first step is to acknowledge what happened: it is not your fault, you are not the one who is wrong. You have been living in a system that has led you to doubt yourself but the truth is that inside you there is still all your strength, your beauty, your uniqueness. It has just been hidden under layers of pain and manipulation.
With the right path of awareness and healing, you can take charge of your life again and see yourself for who you really are: a person worthy of love, respect and happiness.

Can a toxic relationship affect the body and physical health? Are there signs to watch out for on the physical level as well?

Absolutely. We often think that a toxic relationship has only emotional or psychological consequences, but in fact the body speaks and does so even before the mind realizes what is happening. When we are constantly living under stress, in a charged environment, our bodies are deeply affected.
The first major culprit of these physical effects is chronic stress. Living in a state of constant alertness-expecting the next fight, trying to avoid conflict, always feeling under pressure-leads our bodies to release high levels of cortisol and adrenaline, the stress hormones. If this condition goes on for months or years, the consequences can be manifold:
Constant fatigue and lack of energy – This may be because your body has been in “survival” mode for too long, using up all its resources;
Sleep disorders – Insomnia, frequent awakenings, recurring nightmares: the nervous system is overactive and cannot relax even at night;
gastrointestinal problems-Emotional stress directly affects our intestines, causing bloating, cramping, digestive problems, irritable bowel or nausea;
Muscle pain and chronic tension-Contracted shoulders, neck pain, frequent migraines… The body accumulates tension in the areas most exposed to stress;
Skin disorders and hair loss – The skin is a mirror of our emotions. Periods of high stress can trigger acne, dermatitis, excessive hair loss;
heart problems and high blood pressure – The heart suffers from prolonged emotional stress, leading to palpitations, tachycardia or irregular blood pressure.
Our bodies are wise and send signals when something is wrong. Often, those in toxic relationships tend to ignore them or justify them with their hectic lifestyles. But if your body is telling you that something is wrong, it is important to listen to it.
A word of advice: if you find yourself in these symptoms, stop for a moment and ask yourself, How do I really feel inside this relationship? Is my body trying to tell me something?
The good news is that the body can heal, just like the mind and heart.